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(no subject)
Jan. 24th, 2006 | 10:03 pm
mood: 
crappy
music: From Autumn To Ashes
Well time for another update.
This is quite hard. I cant really put my feelings into writing.
It's kind of as if your just talking to yourself.
And no-body can understand because its not face to face.
I don't know who i could tell anyway, because i don't actually know who i can trust.
I wish i could tell people everything about how i feel, without feeling frightened that they would tell.
Sometimes i want things to go differently.
I have too much school work that i can't cope with.
Prelims are in two weeks and i haven't opened a book.
I suppose that is my own fault though eh?
I think i've began to believe in Karma.
I never used to.
But in the past few weeks.
Ive done good thinks for people and something has came back in return thats good.
But i did something rather not so good.
And now i think i'm paying the consequences.
Though then i think you just get carried away with karma.
& then what happens you just turn too nice to people that will just fling it back in your face.
Life is actually quite lonely right now.
I wish people could trust me more. And tell me things.
Then i would understand why a person is down or happy.
Instead of "oh doesnt matter".
Because i've learned if you don't tell anyone anything it just bottles you up inside and makes you alot worse.
But i guess sometimes you don't know who to turn to and who will understand you. Who wont laugh and who wont tell the world.
I bleached my hair on Sunday.
Its still quite yellow.
But i'm going to wait a few weeks to dye it again so it doesn't go horrible.
I seen people laughing at my hair today.
But if i honestly gave a fuck i would of showed it.
For the first time ever, me and my mother were getting on.
Laughing, talking, having a good time.
I really feel upset when we fall out.
After everything she's been through.
And i know its not her fault she snaps.
It's me that stress' her out more. Making her feel more agitated.
Shes to go for another scan on friday.
Might take the day off, give her support.
But shes too independent.
Doesn't let anyone help because when i think of it shes the most strongest out of all of us.
When she goes through the pain.
And sometimes it making me suffer...
xo
This is quite hard. I cant really put my feelings into writing.
It's kind of as if your just talking to yourself.
And no-body can understand because its not face to face.
I don't know who i could tell anyway, because i don't actually know who i can trust.
I wish i could tell people everything about how i feel, without feeling frightened that they would tell.
Sometimes i want things to go differently.
I have too much school work that i can't cope with.
Prelims are in two weeks and i haven't opened a book.
I suppose that is my own fault though eh?
I think i've began to believe in Karma.
I never used to.
But in the past few weeks.
Ive done good thinks for people and something has came back in return thats good.
But i did something rather not so good.
And now i think i'm paying the consequences.
Though then i think you just get carried away with karma.
& then what happens you just turn too nice to people that will just fling it back in your face.
Life is actually quite lonely right now.
I wish people could trust me more. And tell me things.
Then i would understand why a person is down or happy.
Instead of "oh doesnt matter".
Because i've learned if you don't tell anyone anything it just bottles you up inside and makes you alot worse.
But i guess sometimes you don't know who to turn to and who will understand you. Who wont laugh and who wont tell the world.
I bleached my hair on Sunday.
Its still quite yellow.
But i'm going to wait a few weeks to dye it again so it doesn't go horrible.
I seen people laughing at my hair today.
But if i honestly gave a fuck i would of showed it.
For the first time ever, me and my mother were getting on.
Laughing, talking, having a good time.
I really feel upset when we fall out.
After everything she's been through.
And i know its not her fault she snaps.
It's me that stress' her out more. Making her feel more agitated.
Shes to go for another scan on friday.
Might take the day off, give her support.
But shes too independent.
Doesn't let anyone help because when i think of it shes the most strongest out of all of us.
When she goes through the pain.
And sometimes it making me suffer...
xo
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(no subject)
Jan. 6th, 2006 | 03:13 am
mood: so so!
music: Motion City Soundtrack - Modern Chemistry
God, in need for a good old rant tonight.
Its 3.15 am and i'm so fucking bored.
well, 2006 has came in and I've decided to make a whole load of changes.
I'm awful fed up of being nice to people who i generally really do not like in the slightest.
I supose I was only being nice because i had to, for other peoples sake.
Well now i don't need to.
When the end of 2005 came to an end, I actually realised who my real friends are, and who took me for a ride.
Who used me and who didn't want to know me.
But to be fair. Iv'e realised i havent been the nicest of people either.
But to be honest, I dont regret it.
I think i'm going to start being nice to my parents more.
As they've brought me up for 16 years and gave me everything I've always wanted. And I have kind of took it for granted.
I should appreciate the things i have more often.
I've realised how spoiled I am.
I love the bestest friend i have in the whole world, Carly Anderson.
She has done everything for me.
Would never leave me out, INVOLVES me in everything she does!
Were going to london soon, cannot wait.
Weve had our up's and down's probably the same as any other best friends.
But we know we don't mean what we say! haha.
I'll never loose her.
Because she's too good!
I used to have another really good friend.
She was really special to me.
but people get older and change.
Meet new friends.
And do different things.
But i respect that.
Her names Lauren Smith.
I made alot of mistakes in 2005.
Not mentioning them.
Quite embarrising.
lol.
I'm pretty much getting bored of school.
Dreading going back to be perfectly honest.
Rushing for prelims.
Stress. gaaaaaawwwwwwd!
But I suppose it's a part of life and we need to get on with it.
I'm sure it will fly in and soon it will be exam leave and that shall be very good!
Since I only need to study for 4 exams.
Gutted we don't get leave for the prelims though.
Got a tutor for maths and english anyway.
Micheal O'donnell is going to tutor me for English which will be so hard becuase we'd probbaly sit and chat or just get drunk haha!
st8 @ cky_grant but.
cky_grant ...beneath a sky that knows no stars says:
you do want me...flirting with me...and lets face it every girl wants a piece of me
LOL!
That cheered me up a bit!
Love youz!
xo
Its 3.15 am and i'm so fucking bored.
well, 2006 has came in and I've decided to make a whole load of changes.
I'm awful fed up of being nice to people who i generally really do not like in the slightest.
I supose I was only being nice because i had to, for other peoples sake.
Well now i don't need to.
When the end of 2005 came to an end, I actually realised who my real friends are, and who took me for a ride.
Who used me and who didn't want to know me.
But to be fair. Iv'e realised i havent been the nicest of people either.
But to be honest, I dont regret it.
I think i'm going to start being nice to my parents more.
As they've brought me up for 16 years and gave me everything I've always wanted. And I have kind of took it for granted.
I should appreciate the things i have more often.
I've realised how spoiled I am.
I love the bestest friend i have in the whole world, Carly Anderson.
She has done everything for me.
Would never leave me out, INVOLVES me in everything she does!
Were going to london soon, cannot wait.
Weve had our up's and down's probably the same as any other best friends.
But we know we don't mean what we say! haha.
I'll never loose her.
Because she's too good!
I used to have another really good friend.
She was really special to me.
but people get older and change.
Meet new friends.
And do different things.
But i respect that.
Her names Lauren Smith.
I made alot of mistakes in 2005.
Not mentioning them.
Quite embarrising.
lol.
I'm pretty much getting bored of school.
Dreading going back to be perfectly honest.
Rushing for prelims.
Stress. gaaaaaawwwwwwd!
But I suppose it's a part of life and we need to get on with it.
I'm sure it will fly in and soon it will be exam leave and that shall be very good!
Since I only need to study for 4 exams.
Gutted we don't get leave for the prelims though.
Got a tutor for maths and english anyway.
Micheal O'donnell is going to tutor me for English which will be so hard becuase we'd probbaly sit and chat or just get drunk haha!
st8 @ cky_grant but.
cky_grant ...beneath a sky that knows no stars says:
you do want me...flirting with me...and lets face it every girl wants a piece of me
LOL!
That cheered me up a bit!
Love youz!
xo
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(no subject)
Dec. 8th, 2005 | 09:29 am
mood: 
okay
music: None
omg. Its been a bout 20 years the last time i updated this thing.
okay.. maybe 7 months.
Last weekend i had the best fun ever! Went to see faithless and it was amazing!
I missed the support because Lauryn & i were too busy chatting up the guy with the clip board haha!
Yeah so we were pissed that my bro couldn't get us into to standing.
So we just umped the barrier.
I hurt my back a bit haha!
But apart from that it was amazing!!
So Sunday was a bit shit because I was too kind of hungover and was meant to be going to the pictures but i had no money left :[.
And all of this week I've been feeling dead shitty because ive got the cold n stuff.
COUGH BOTTLE PLZ!
But yeah. Sleepover at mine on Saturday! :]]]
Hollie, Frambo, Ellgee, Suzi n Valz.
Should be a laugh!
yeah well I better go and do something interesting..
bye
xxx♥
okay.. maybe 7 months.
Last weekend i had the best fun ever! Went to see faithless and it was amazing!
I missed the support because Lauryn & i were too busy chatting up the guy with the clip board haha!
Yeah so we were pissed that my bro couldn't get us into to standing.
So we just umped the barrier.
I hurt my back a bit haha!
But apart from that it was amazing!!
So Sunday was a bit shit because I was too kind of hungover and was meant to be going to the pictures but i had no money left :[.
And all of this week I've been feeling dead shitty because ive got the cold n stuff.
COUGH BOTTLE PLZ!
But yeah. Sleepover at mine on Saturday! :]]]
Hollie, Frambo, Ellgee, Suzi n Valz.
Should be a laugh!
yeah well I better go and do something interesting..
bye
xxx♥
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Heeeewwwwwooooooo!
Jun. 8th, 2005 | 11:05 pm
mood: meh
music: none
Heewo Everyone.
First off am bored out my tits... so i thought i'd update since the first of may... yay!
how shit is 5th year actually. All the classes are smaller tho so its not too bad.
So ive been dicthed for sunday :( Daniel couldnt come cuz he's doing summit for his B/day.
But if anyone is needing a spare phunk tic... give me a shout.
Alton towers is guna be great. We should Just get all the girlies to go for a booze n a giggle. and that means ALL the girlies from the table.. we dont want any bitchyness :|.
but anyhoo, this ing is utter pish cuz i cant ever think of anything to write!!
bye bye folks..
xxxxxx<33333xxxxxxx
First off am bored out my tits... so i thought i'd update since the first of may... yay!
how shit is 5th year actually. All the classes are smaller tho so its not too bad.
So ive been dicthed for sunday :( Daniel couldnt come cuz he's doing summit for his B/day.
But if anyone is needing a spare phunk tic... give me a shout.
Alton towers is guna be great. We should Just get all the girlies to go for a booze n a giggle. and that means ALL the girlies from the table.. we dont want any bitchyness :|.
but anyhoo, this ing is utter pish cuz i cant ever think of anything to write!!
bye bye folks..
xxxxxx<33333xxxxxxx
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:s
May. 1st, 2005 | 02:09 am
mood: 
sleepy
music: With Broken Wings - A beautiful Tragedy
This thing is fucking weird man.